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Post by Gilgamesh on Oct 7, 2007 1:41:18 GMT 2
It's said Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.
Chuck Norris made a deal with NASA. If he jumped through the earth's atmosphere, they'd give him a beer. The next day, a flaming object hit the earth's surface. Chuck Norris STILL hasn't gotten his free beer.
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Post by Flash The Reploid on Oct 7, 2007 1:43:51 GMT 2
Chuck Norris is the fabled 5'th teletubby
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Post by Miguel on Oct 7, 2007 1:55:42 GMT 2
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
It is scientiffically impossible for Chuck Norris to have a father. The most popular theroy is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
There are no steroids in crappy American Football. Only players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked someone so hard, he altered their DNA. A few thousand years from then, their decendant felt a sharp pain in their face and went "What the hell was that?"
Chuck Norris does not get burned if you light him on fire. The fire gets Chuck Norris'd.
Chuck Norris invented Foot ball, alchohal, and sex, all in the same night.
Chuck Norris' dog cleans up after itself out of fear, because Chuck Norris takes crap from noone.
Nintendo came up with Pikachu when they saw a mouse that Chuck Norris gave a shock to from rubbing his feet off of a carpet and touched while wearing a wool sweater.
Every night, the Boogey Man checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight on. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Whenever someone bashes Chuck Norris, he makes their head explode from shher will alone. Then he regrows their head just to make it explode again. Repeat this process 76 times, and Chuck Norris gets bored with it and stops.
Chuck Norris invented existance.
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Post by Albireo on Oct 7, 2007 2:03:56 GMT 2
Chuck Norris doesnt read, he stares the book down until he gets the info he needs.
may have already been mentioned...
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Post by Flash The Reploid on Oct 7, 2007 2:08:12 GMT 2
Chuck Norris doesn't get poisoned, the poison gets Chuck Norris'd
Chuck Norris once killed a man by breathing on him
Chuck Norris can give a man a wedgie 68 times in a quarter of a second
If you give Chuck Norris a plunger, he can plunge your brains
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes by shouting at them
Chuck Norris can kill you thrice over before you can inhale
Chuck Norris' grass cuts itslef out of feer of roundhouse kicks
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Post by Silver Stryker on Oct 7, 2007 2:39:29 GMT 2
-Thanks to operations of sexual intercourse, Chuck Norris made millions off of Axe products.
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Post by Albireo on Oct 7, 2007 2:55:55 GMT 2
You remember the Atom Bomb on Hiroshima? it was only Chuck Norris on a VERY VERY bad day that comes once every lifetime, apparently on that day he sneezed, on a good day, Chuck Norris never sneezes.
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Post by Miguel on Oct 7, 2007 2:57:06 GMT 2
Chuck Norris' mother died giving birht. But then Chuck invented the round-house kick to kick her soul back into her body.
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Post by Albireo on Oct 7, 2007 3:01:36 GMT 2
Chuck Norris doesnt die, instead Death gets Chuck Norris'd
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Post by Flash The Reploid on Oct 7, 2007 5:23:48 GMT 2
Chuck Norris found, drank from and took a dump in the holy grail
If you toss a penny from the CN tower, Chuck Norris could run up the side punch you in the face and get back down before the penny does
Chuck Norris i made hitlers mustache
The Mohawk was made because Chuck Norris was roundhouse kicking a guys hair
Chuck Norris is really the worlds greatest soccer player
Chuck Norris single handedly won the super bowl
Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kicked time because it went to slow
Money was invented by Chuck Norris
Glue is sticky because of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris' hair is red from the blood of hearts
It's peanut butter jelly time when Chuck Norris says so
When Chuck Norris eats, the food chews itself out of fear
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Post by Albireo on Oct 7, 2007 10:26:43 GMT 2
how did the legendary Chuck Norris become god? Chuck Norris was challenged by god, in a battle of strength, what happend was he did a roundhouse kick, then ate god, and Chuck became the new god.
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Post by Darc Abyss on Oct 7, 2007 10:37:15 GMT 2
Chuck Norris can drink liquid hot magma, and piss liquid nitrogen and poop diamonds.
Chuck Norris doesn't surf on water. He punches the ground to make a hole and jumps in the lava. He then farts and cause a tidal wave of lava while surfing on ice.
Chuck Norris can tell ice to not melt, and it won't. Which explians the above fact.
Chuck Norris beat the Mona Lisa in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can drink lead based paint and poop a picture of himself, completely framed. If you stare at it long enough, the picture roundhouse kicks you.
Chuck Norris read this thread, and said, "Dam...They missed so much. I MUST ROUNDHOUSE KICK THEM ALL!!!" He then jumped into his moniter and went through the internet, kicking each person who has posted before me. He then makes all porn sites free on his way back.
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Post by Albireo on Oct 7, 2007 10:42:41 GMT 2
LOL man you make the best ones... Chuck Norris was only nearly unbeatable, until Bruce Lee died, he became invincible Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you in the  so hard, that to start pooping again, you'd have to ask him to kick equally hard in your people-maker |
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Post by Darc Abyss on Oct 7, 2007 10:51:19 GMT 2
Chuck Norris has a toilet made out of diamonds. Not because it's to show off, it's because his turd is shot out at Mach speed. He barely has time for the paper...if he wasn't Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can read minds. He just threatens to kick the person and they tell him everything. Then he kicks them.
Chuck Norris farted and made the Andromeda Galaxy.
Chuck Norris wanted to change his name to God, but thought it was pathetic sounding.
Chuck Norris can tell time....to go get him some nachos.
Chuck Norris doesn't breath. That's how he can go Yeti hunting in space.
When Chuck Norris pees on a turtle, it can move at the speed of sound. Now we know how the turtle beat the rabbit. Also, it was because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the rabbit and made rabbit shaped Peeps out of gold.
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Post by Albireo on Oct 7, 2007 10:53:27 GMT 2
Hilarious, truly... all i gotta say....
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