Post by Deathtanz Mantisk on Aug 6, 2010 10:51:59 GMT 2
Few days ago I watched CSI just to remind myself of what I hated in that show so much. Not CSI Miami, CSI New York, CSI London, CSI San Andreas, CSI Moscow - the original! Gladly the guy with the sunglasses wasn't there.
So everything's as usual, some guy is irritating/mean/rude to the investigators early, which instantly has me assume he'll eventually turn out to be the killer (and I was right!). The investigators run around pointing fingers at people, having some drama about pecking orders in their team, so forth so forth.
And then the first reason I can't stand these shows comes out:
While trying to figure out who was driving the car that crashed into the victim, they have this camera footage... Off a camera that was hanging from the side of a warehouse somewhere, and pointed to the road 500 meters away, in the middle of the night. They press a magic button in their computer and WHAT SHOULD BE a pixely blur of black suddenly clears up and shows INSIDE THE CAR.
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
500 METERS AWAY.
FROM A CAMERA LEFT OUTSIDE A WAREHOUSE WALL.
When I see camera footage usually, it's probably all-gray, cellphone-quality, and it's from inside a store. WHY would someone put a camera that must be worth 1000 dollars or over OUTSIDE a warehouse wall, and leave it to point towards what must be the horizon since it has a view 500 meters away?? It clearly doesn't have infravision since we see the scene of crime as if it was the middle of the day! Yet we can CLEARLY see the face of the victim inside the car, 500 meters away, middle of the night, from some camera.
Hell, I should just quit my dayjob and fly to USA. I'd be a billionare just walking around outdoors and snatching these thousand dollar videocameras littered all over the streets.
Later the guy I suspected to be the killer (you know, since he was a douche early on he had to get punished in some way) turns out to *DRUMROLL* be the killer! He can't be busted tho since some idiot confessed to the crime. Ha! Ohbutwait, conveniently he happened to kill some other chap too and they catch him from that instead. CONVENIENTLY being the keyword here. I shouldn't be suprised, really - every time in these shows when the culprit beats the law, he either dies or gets caught for something else. Bad guys never get away, see.
At some point a pack of guys in suits and sunglasses appears at the investigator HQ, and there's gunfire and ... an old wrinkly beardy guy who does the whole cutting-corpses-open business constantly screams for help and does some sodding judo-moves to boot the bad guys through windows or backhand them unconscious? Did they deny this actor a raise and he instisted to at least once during the show be displayed unnecessarily badass? 20 bad guys were shot or kicked through walls, and later we're confirmed by one of the good guys that 0 good guys were even injured. Boo.
Meanwhile the team-pecking-order drama culminated with the unhappy boss getting a pep-talk from some underling. A cheesy pep-talk, since it hardly made any sense to me. It was kinda like: "I know you must feel a little down right now, but you must remember, that you, as our leader, I am your underling and we all do our jobs. The sunglasses-guy, our former leader, had one difference with you, and that's that he wasn't you. It couldn't be any other way." Yeah, it made less sense than that actually.
Some things CSI doesn't do, that some other show (it had this really pale chick in it, forgot name) does, is the irritating interrigation scenes. Scenes where the investigators take a random guy/gal into a room, and then yell at him/her "YOU KILLED HIM YOU SICK BASTARD YOU TOOK THE MONEY AND YOU RIPPED HIS HEAD OFF YOULL GO TO JAIL FOR THIS BHAHAHAHA" and then the suspect goes "nuh uh I'll tell you how it really was" and then the investigators glance at each other like "well huh". And next scene. It really pisses me off to imagine the guy/gal who was just being accused like 6 times of being the murderer BASED ON NOTHING and being threatened yelled at about it, and then the investigators just leave as if that was nothing and the guy/gal had it coming and should be thankful they didn't arrest the suspect for some other crimes they might decide he/she commited.
Or the damn DNA tests. "Oh look we found a piece of wool from the floor where a persons hair has rested on before it was picked up afterwards lets test it". Then they stuff it in a tube and get some digits, type something in a computer and BOOM the persons face pops on a screen. This one time here in dear Finland we had this murder-case where some kids killed each other (or something) in a tent at some forest. The tent was all bloody and crap. They sent samples to London and it took em months to get anything out of it, and I'm not sure we got anything real in the end. Hmmmmm...
In conclusion, I remember again why I hate CSI and all such crime-drama:
- Protagonists I can't symphatize with since they're all complete and utter douchebags.
- Repetitive conclusions and storylines.
- Absurd sci-fi equipment that the investigators hold in their possession.
- Absurd sci-fi equipment that some random guy plants on the side of his warehouse.
- Protagonists I can't stand.
- It's generally stupid.
The show ended on a cliffhanger as they (beardy old kung-fu badass & some other investigator) slit some corpse's gut open and then they get all shocked and go "what is that" and "whoa, you don't see that every day" and from their expressions and the background music I might assume this is the most awesome thing anyone has ever discovered, like space-pirates were shortly bursting from the stomach to plunder their sci-fi gear and wage war against all nations. Reminds me not to watch next week.
So everything's as usual, some guy is irritating/mean/rude to the investigators early, which instantly has me assume he'll eventually turn out to be the killer (and I was right!). The investigators run around pointing fingers at people, having some drama about pecking orders in their team, so forth so forth.
And then the first reason I can't stand these shows comes out:
While trying to figure out who was driving the car that crashed into the victim, they have this camera footage... Off a camera that was hanging from the side of a warehouse somewhere, and pointed to the road 500 meters away, in the middle of the night. They press a magic button in their computer and WHAT SHOULD BE a pixely blur of black suddenly clears up and shows INSIDE THE CAR.
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
500 METERS AWAY.
FROM A CAMERA LEFT OUTSIDE A WAREHOUSE WALL.
When I see camera footage usually, it's probably all-gray, cellphone-quality, and it's from inside a store. WHY would someone put a camera that must be worth 1000 dollars or over OUTSIDE a warehouse wall, and leave it to point towards what must be the horizon since it has a view 500 meters away?? It clearly doesn't have infravision since we see the scene of crime as if it was the middle of the day! Yet we can CLEARLY see the face of the victim inside the car, 500 meters away, middle of the night, from some camera.
Hell, I should just quit my dayjob and fly to USA. I'd be a billionare just walking around outdoors and snatching these thousand dollar videocameras littered all over the streets.
Later the guy I suspected to be the killer (you know, since he was a douche early on he had to get punished in some way) turns out to *DRUMROLL* be the killer! He can't be busted tho since some idiot confessed to the crime. Ha! Ohbutwait, conveniently he happened to kill some other chap too and they catch him from that instead. CONVENIENTLY being the keyword here. I shouldn't be suprised, really - every time in these shows when the culprit beats the law, he either dies or gets caught for something else. Bad guys never get away, see.
At some point a pack of guys in suits and sunglasses appears at the investigator HQ, and there's gunfire and ... an old wrinkly beardy guy who does the whole cutting-corpses-open business constantly screams for help and does some sodding judo-moves to boot the bad guys through windows or backhand them unconscious? Did they deny this actor a raise and he instisted to at least once during the show be displayed unnecessarily badass? 20 bad guys were shot or kicked through walls, and later we're confirmed by one of the good guys that 0 good guys were even injured. Boo.
Meanwhile the team-pecking-order drama culminated with the unhappy boss getting a pep-talk from some underling. A cheesy pep-talk, since it hardly made any sense to me. It was kinda like: "I know you must feel a little down right now, but you must remember, that you, as our leader, I am your underling and we all do our jobs. The sunglasses-guy, our former leader, had one difference with you, and that's that he wasn't you. It couldn't be any other way." Yeah, it made less sense than that actually.
Some things CSI doesn't do, that some other show (it had this really pale chick in it, forgot name) does, is the irritating interrigation scenes. Scenes where the investigators take a random guy/gal into a room, and then yell at him/her "YOU KILLED HIM YOU SICK BASTARD YOU TOOK THE MONEY AND YOU RIPPED HIS HEAD OFF YOULL GO TO JAIL FOR THIS BHAHAHAHA" and then the suspect goes "nuh uh I'll tell you how it really was" and then the investigators glance at each other like "well huh". And next scene. It really pisses me off to imagine the guy/gal who was just being accused like 6 times of being the murderer BASED ON NOTHING and being threatened yelled at about it, and then the investigators just leave as if that was nothing and the guy/gal had it coming and should be thankful they didn't arrest the suspect for some other crimes they might decide he/she commited.
Or the damn DNA tests. "Oh look we found a piece of wool from the floor where a persons hair has rested on before it was picked up afterwards lets test it". Then they stuff it in a tube and get some digits, type something in a computer and BOOM the persons face pops on a screen. This one time here in dear Finland we had this murder-case where some kids killed each other (or something) in a tent at some forest. The tent was all bloody and crap. They sent samples to London and it took em months to get anything out of it, and I'm not sure we got anything real in the end. Hmmmmm...
In conclusion, I remember again why I hate CSI and all such crime-drama:
- Protagonists I can't symphatize with since they're all complete and utter douchebags.
- Repetitive conclusions and storylines.
- Absurd sci-fi equipment that the investigators hold in their possession.
- Absurd sci-fi equipment that some random guy plants on the side of his warehouse.
- Protagonists I can't stand.
- It's generally stupid.
The show ended on a cliffhanger as they (beardy old kung-fu badass & some other investigator) slit some corpse's gut open and then they get all shocked and go "what is that" and "whoa, you don't see that every day" and from their expressions and the background music I might assume this is the most awesome thing anyone has ever discovered, like space-pirates were shortly bursting from the stomach to plunder their sci-fi gear and wage war against all nations. Reminds me not to watch next week.
