The quest for food!

[VileMKII]

Twas the night of last, and after days of sitting on the grand ould computer I grew to become hungry. Takeing a gander at thine stomich I noticed that the day had flown by, like a sparrow in a wirlwind. Takeing a relfection of the day I remembered that only one item had been thrown into the caged beast. A lone bowl of raman, with seseme seeds and my secret asian sause. Now that i say it, what in the almighty power of grease does a seseme seed do for your food? They have absolutly no taste and they only thing they seem to do for me is get stuck in my teeth, forceing the tooth-pick to be used. But anywho, I told my friends over msn that I shall be takeing a short leave for the sake of liveing came to be a nessecity, weather they think that they are or not. I took a look through the pantry of mine, with a sad discover of nothing that was appatizeing, or eatible. The frige was also most bleak, as it contained two sauses, Mustard and Mayo. Both repulsive alone. Three hotdogs sat and I considered them, though we all know what those 'dogs' are made of. Who the hell called it a hot dog in the first place? It's neather hot nor a dog, is quite the opposite. (True you can heat it but alas who would find a need to do that for it to achive its name?) A lone can of mountain dew sat. I was going to be in need of some more for the incomeing future. Nothing here. So then above the frige was teh freezer. Inside that wanna-be arctic area stood only my arch foes, ice cream and pizza. The devils! Surely people in the house can catch on that I am lactose intolerant! NOT LIKE I CAN'T EAT CERTIN FOOD OR ANYTHING! After a grumble of swears I took ahold of my keys and headed out into the vast unknown.

First, its around 10:45 PM, so I know that by the time I reach town most places will be closed. What a drag. Neverless as a male that desired food the substence must be obtained! With quickness and makeing haste I walked to my truck. Now liveing in texas makes you cautious of what you do. Rattle snakes seem to roam down here, and I'll admit right here that I freak'in hate snakes. Well as it so happens one is takeing a nap or just waiting under my truck. Now before you think of something witty, take note that I not only hate snakes but I FEAR those that hold poison. Well me being the dumbass I can be I don't even think to look for one, as it has been ages sence my last encounter. Yes as you guessed it this 'beauty' as the late Steve Irwin would call it, attacked my humble feet! To my luck I had choosen to wear my steel-toed boots which give me a plus 24 to lower defence and block all snake bite attacks! wOOt for RPG skills! Well out of reaction and fear I jump out of my skin, like a cartoon cat who cling on teh wall. However to my luck I land right by it! Oh joy! I think it was crurling back to perform another strike but was stopped due to my earthly stomp from heaven. The beasts head was now stuck inbetween my foot and the rock of earth. It's body whipped around like a firehose, and was irratateing me. Takeing hold of my knife, that was conceled in my boot, I delivered a life takeing guillotine attack. After doing so, I relized that was the dumbest thing I could have done as there could have been another beast lerking around, a mate perhaps. However I was in luck and the attacking foe was dead. I let out a sigh and decided that when I was told to never leave my house unarmed, they ment it. Now struck was fear I flawlessly jumped into the driver seat of my truck and took off. I would not wait another minute to become a snake's pray.

At first the destination in mind was the local walmart, as that was the location for food, and I mean real food. However comeing up soon on my was some jackass who just had to try and drive his car stright up into my own and honk his horn. I was going 60 down a 55 road so he could wait if he was going to be a rude jerk. Texans, tisk tisk. Well while being tailgated I relized that if I were to break for any logical reason I would be rearended. I really didn't want that. Well comeing up soon on my right were to golden archs of emence doom. Dispite my knowlage on fast food I was eager to get this asswhipe off my back, so I took a gracefull turn in.

Now I was in the parking lot, in which vary few cars were there, only the employees I presumed, and a long line at the dirve thru, I took the notion of going inside. More cars piled in that oh so stupid and long line. I chuckled as I relized that this was america. We've become a place in which getting out of our cars to eat the most obseard 'food' was to much of a hassle. Shakeing my head I entered the facilty. The what I assumed was appatizeing smell of grease in the shape of a burger filled my nostrils. In a way I wanted to just hurl right then. I could barely believe I was in there. For some reason or another there were plasma screen t.v.'s comeing down from the ceiling. Now why the hell does a Mc.D's need t.v.'s in the first place? I thought people just went there to eat. However the real kicker was that they kept it on CNN! And they were talking about the fast food epidemic! Haha may CNN compel thy store! I can honestly say that a chuckle escaped my mouth was I took a small gander this delight. I was shocked that no one had changed the channel. However that was not what the quest had been for. Now before I marched my way to the front counter I looked around. Right next to teh doors were the soda fountains, then like nine feet away was the counter. why the hell would you make such a gap between the two? After letting that ignorent idea escape my mind I made my way to the counter. Now did you know that Mc.D's has this cafe deal in which they hope to counter starbucks? I really wonder how much lower they can sink. Well on the walls they have this daily special in which you can order a quarter pounder with cheese and get a second one free. Now me being hungry I wanted that. You get more for less right? Well I order it without cheese due to my disabilty. However I donot recieve my second burger for free. I questioned this, and to my suprise you HAVE to have cheese to get the deal. So apperently me being handicap mean I don't get the same deals as normal people. Thats not discurreging or anything. Well I just order a combo meal. Obviously these workers here are just idiots. My food is givein to me and I quickly take my leave, as I wished not to smell like that awefull place. Twas not till I entered my truck once more that I relized that they never game me my cup. It should have not been that hard to give me a cup as soon as I ordered my food, but I guess it was. Then again I also forgot so it was also my fault. Either way I decided that mountain dew was better than most of the brands they had.

I traveled home annoyed. Though this time it was a plesent trip. No moron rode my , no one was infront of me. I was alone on teh rode. Nothing but the wisping winds and the sound of good ol rise against. I reached home, leting down that bad of greasey nasteness. I pulled out my fries and my burger. Opeing that cardboard box in which contained my food, I took upon a smell, a fimulare one that reeked. Looking at that burger I noticed some yellow ooze. Cheese. Now, hey I wasn't back there, I didn't take the order. (instead I made it!) but how freakin hard is it to type 'no cheese' when its on button and how hard is it to read your screen and apply what it says? I sware america's are growing dumber by the hour. Well no matter, I could scrap it off correct? Wrong. I pick up that buger and I am not jokeing when I say that the bun is soggy and there is a puddle, yes a puddle of grease laying in that box. Such, I don't even know what to call such a montrosity! That burger was pitched fast. Because I like to complain and argue I called the building. According to them I can either traval back to get my food remade for free, or come in at a later date. Now I already live out of town, so why traval to get what I should have had the first time? Or I can go there later to get more disgusting food? Whats that going to do for me? I'm hungry now, not tomarrow! In the end I just rounded myself up some oatmeal. There is a reason I never eat out, I think this was just a reminder.

[Chaos Tank]

I'm really sorry to hear that, I hate it when fast food people are either sloppy or lazy. Especially since you came at a time where there was no rush of people to excuse their mistake.

I also know what a crappy deal it is to be lactose intolerant, my girlfriend's father is as well. He's also allergic to most nuts and a bunch of other things making it very difficult to find anything at all to eat, so I'm sorry. Hammer it into your family that you can't eat certain foods.

That's a scary deal with the snake though, I'm glad you're ok. I can't believe your life could end just like that while out searching for some late night food...

[Silver Stryker]

I love how you made a dramatic battle situation out of the snake thing. reminds me of when I had to fight through a gang of wasps to get to my car with my pocket knife lol. Dunno why the hell I used my knife though, even though I was successful for the most part.(finished it with a squirtgun w/ hotwater.)

Nice storytelling. It brightened up my day....even though my day started an hour ago, with my noctournal arse....>_>

Even though I don't listen to my own advice, yes--fast food resturants are retarded for the most part. If you were at the McDonalds near me, you'd be lucky to have only one mess up....

[Miguel]

A bit more film-noir style narration (Black and white detective style films, you know, where they talk about this one woman who they knew from the minute she walked through their door, she'd be nothing but trouble?) and mastery of the enter key, and you could've made this seem even more epic then common grease ball incompetence.

(You oughta do this regularly.)

[randomdrifter865]

The quest for food huh? Very creative all I got to say to cover what really happened which sucks I bet. The battle with a snake would be one of those suck moment on top of being hungry and limited to what you can eat I guess...

[Storm]

My grammar-nazi instincts are boiling to lash out, but I'll hold on just long enough to finish my post. It was a fairly entertaining story, and I feel your grief. I've had bad service too, but at least I've learned to gain from this.

Turn this weakness into a strength. Check the order before you leave. I've learned to do this, and I've earned double fries, larger drinks and entirely new meals. I prey on the students working for summers, they're the easiest. Make a really complex order during rush hour, and they'll almost always mess it up in some tiny way, and they'll pretty much always grant you a new meal.

I only do this while out of town, though, as many of my friends work at the local burger place. I consider them when ordering late at night, usually buying the one cheeseburger they've got readily prepared. They often return the favor, as they often dine right across the room at the restaurant-counter where I work as a cook. They'll order meals they know are easy to make, or even make their own meals after buying them, usually when eating during working hours.

And now, before ending my post...

AAAArgh! The f-ing Spell Check button is right there! Use it, mortal!

[Omega]

As soon as I read "I pick up that buger and I am not jokeing when I say that the bun is soggy and there is a puddle, yes a puddle of grease laying in that box." I immediatly got put off Burger King and MCdonnalds for life.

I feel sorry for you man, The snake and the crappy meals bad combo. They didn't give you the 2nd burger because you didn't have cheese? What fast food resteraunt was it?